Salami’s NFL Thanksgiving Special

If Halloween is referred to as Day of the Dead (Dia de los Muertos for those Coco fanatics), then consider Thanksgiving as Day of the Dogs. And I ain’t talkin’ bout a South Korean family feasting on an 86 pound golden retriever for supper. Huge day for underdogs, folks. Hop on board for the Dia de los Perros.

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Bitchell Trubitchsky (get fuckin wrecked, dork) has been limited all week with a shoulder injury. If he plays, you get an injured quarterback who’s slightly above average when healthy. If he’s out, you get Chase Daniel, a 9 year veteran who has less career passing yards than Paxton Lynch. No matter how good Khalil Mack and the Bears defense is, Jordan Howard cannot carry an offense. For the Lions, Kenny Golladay has turned into an absolute stud on offense and Big Play Slay has emerged as a top 3 corner in the NFL. The loss of Kerryon blows but it’s not like they utilized him for the first half of the season, anyway. The Lions coming off a close win against the Panthers combined with the Bears playing Sunday night then Thursday afternoon is a recipe for a close game.

gollday

Pick: Lions +3.5.

It’s the Colt McCoy era in Washington. As much as I’ve always shit on Alex Smith, that leg injury made me vomit and it’s not because of my over consumption of White Zinfadel Saturday night. Colt McCoy is fucking sick. Don’t need stats to back it up. Don’t need to bring up the 7-18 record, either. He’s sick. Redskins are gonna come out guns blazing because it’s legal in Texas, and they’re going to keep it close all game for their fallen leader. On the 33rd year and 5 day anniversary of Joe Theismann’s injury, Dallas’s first round investment, Amari Cooper, still will not have any impact on the team, nor turn their season around. Dallas should not be laying 7.5 points to the Marshall football team post-plane crash, let alone a division rival.

colt
Pick: Redskins +7.5.

No doubt, the Saints are one of the best teams in football. With offensive weapons like Taysom Hill and Zach Line, they have all the ammo they need to put a ton of points on the board. The Falcons have had a ton of injuries and are coming off back-to-back disgusting losses and now everyone wrote them off. However, they still have former MVP Matty Ice and the two teams have historically played each other very close. 13 is a massive number to lay, the Saints are gonna win but you know what they say: Good teams win, great teams draft a running back 2nd overall then tank poorly and put themselves in a poor position to take a franchise quarterback so they’re stuck with the corpse of an unathletic brother of a sexual abuser that got covered up and buried so now there’s no hope for the immediate future. That said, Falcons finna cover, bitchez.

vick

Pick: Falcons +13.

DAWGS GON’ EAT.

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bet on it

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