2-1 last week. Fuck you if you didn’t take ’em. Your loss. Eat my pubes. The past is the past. We’re going 3-0 this week, folks.
JT Daniels is gonna be a monster down the road, but for now, he’s still 18 years old and appreciates getting jerked off in the back seat of his ’07 Toyota Corolla in the parking lot of his old elementary school. USC has a banged up defense, and they’re 1-2 since the loss of their absolute behemoth of a dude in Porter Gustin. On the other side, Cal is coming off a tough loss to Washington State but held their own the entire game. Chase Garbers is starting to turn into a dangerous dual threat QB, and Cal is gonna come out firing. Take Cal with the spread, and if you actually have testes, take ’em money line.
Pick: California +5.
Pick if your nads touch your shin when you walk: Cal ML +180
La.st year’s natty champs continued their historic run this year, as they’re still undefeated and have no intentions of slowing down this week. After a couple close games in the past three weeks, they’re poised to absolutely blow the doors off their opponents at home on Saturday. Real Heisman implications are on the line as Mackenzie Milton wants to at least join the finalists in Manhattan on December 9. Doubters are starting to come back as UCF barely scratched out dubs against Memphis and Temple. But do you really think a 2-7 Navy team even competes with Central Florida? No fuckin shot. Especially at their Homecoming. UCF is gonna come out firing to shut out the haters and won’t hit the breaks in front of a packed out stadium on Homecoming. Lock of the century.
Lock of the Century: Central Florida -23.5.
Penn State got absolutely demolished by Michigan last week. Honestly I’m surprised the bus got back safe to campus. I would’ve guessed there had to have been at least one psychopath ordering a hit on the team. At least slash the bus tires or something. Anyway, bus made it back safe and all the players and coaches are still kickin’. Good shit. Penn State will come out firing on all cylinders to prevent back-to-back disasters on national television. Trace McSorely is a veteran and knows that this team cannot afford to lose another game. Also, Alex Hornibrook fuckin’ blowwwwwwws. Put two and two together and you get a monster bounce back game out of Penn State. Expect a blow out in front of their home fans and in front of anybody hungover, scratching their nuts on their couch eating potato chips tuned into ABC.
Pick: Penn State -9.